Men – feelings? May 1, 2006Posted by clenchedfist in All Posts.
Women keep whining about the fact that her man is such a closed book. They keep saying I pour my heart and soul out to him. I ask him to please be more open with me and share his other side. It is hard for me to love him completely when he shows only the perfect side of him. I trust him and believe he has good intentions, even if he talks about superficial things too much. I think he's pretty serious because he wants to live together. He does say he loves me a lot, but that isn't enough anymore.
However here is something that women should consider about guys is that most of the time it is socially unacceptable for men to display their feelings. Men who show their feelings tend to be disparaged as weak both by their male peers and by the women they date. The results are rarely good for said male.
If you're at the stage where you're willing to let him open up to you without thinking negatively about him…then good for you; but he may not yet be ready or comfortable.
Women, I hate to say it, say lots of things they don't mean simply because they think it sounds good. Its simply something I've learned, and what I imagine a lot of guys have learned, through personal experience. Trusting what women say is a hit or miss game, and a game each and every male has to play his own way without assistance.
In time, we will open up…maybe not as much as you would like, but we will do so the more you stand by him, the fewer games you play and the more we start to trust you. But keep in mind that guys are rarely ever respected if they show their feelings to anyone…so if you've got a great guy then stay with him, but try to understand his point of view from a sociological perspective.
But once he does…
Magically the "chemistry" will dissolve.
Isn't it a recurring theme that men don't open up enough, and women say it bothers them? Honestly you have to expect this from men. We have no real emotional output or support. Lets be real.. if you weren't already so in love with him you wouldn't think too highly if he opened up emotionally. Sure maybe ONCE in a while… but being outwardly emotional is something women generally have the benefit of doing.
Make no mistake. It's not that men can't be emotional or don't feel similar things. We are just convinced that you don't really want to hear it. Try going to some group that's there to help men in trouble… like getting through tough spots in marriage, or getting over addictions, etc. They open up and are often VERY emotional. But these groups aren't everywhere… So only time a man can open up like this is if his life has fallen apart.
Given the choice between a sensitive caring man who often shares his emotions and how he's feeling and a man who keeps it to himself and only supports you and YOUR emotions… we know how women respond. You want your men to be men, and not women. Men hold on to this and think your attempts to ask how we feel is a trap or just how you're expressing your emotions. So if we don't express ourselves and you get a little upset it's fine. It's not likely you'ld want the alternative of a guy who opens up as much if not more than you do. You'ld end up resenting him, losing respect for him, or just lose your attraction to him.
Hence, how can we lose by keeping it to ourselves? Everything about a man opening up to a woman (other than VERY VERY rarely in specific occasions) spells disaster.
Men who open up and are sensitive and emotional are "NICE GUYS" And we all know how well nice guys do. Not talking about a guy who's just nice. I mean a guy who's more of a woman, because he's so nice and open and caring that it disgusts you as a woman. All this man can represent is a friend.
Appreciate the difference between you 2. If he's not as open emotionally then let it be. Maybe focus on his current emotions rather than the past. And PLEASE… do not ask "how do you feel"
That is a question men ask women which allows YOU to open up and TALK. Men prefer a more specific question. Like you could ask if he got that promotion, or did he accomplish what he set out to do today, etc.
A strong man CAN open up and express how he feels because he's confident in himself. If someone responds negatively towards him for opening up he no longer needs to speak to that person.
But men lack good role models. Everything is to benefit women today. Far as I can see it looks like women have all the benefits while still complaining. While men have limited range of what they can do.
So it could actually take a STRONGER man to open up. And this is perhaps the more ideal man (for women). But for the averge guy all he knows is that he gets his head bitten off for expressing anything. So it's in his best interest to SUCK IT UP AND BE A MAN!
It helps guys to have one or two good friends with whom they can share details of their emotional lives…with the understanding that it will be mutual. When one guy opens up and the other doesn't, then the friendship becomes a power relationship which should be avoided at all costs. But if both guys realize that society dictates we shouldn't show feelings, but still recognizes that it needs to be done, then it's fine.
However, guys aren't as emotional as women so I would be suspicious of guys who have too many "good" friends they share their emotions with; these tend to be weak men who can't manage their lives or their issues.